147. BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD
in which i seem to have a very specific form of amnesia
tale as old as time: i felt like i did nothing this week, and then, in putting together this newsletter, i realized i had in fact done many things. sometimes i think i have a very specific form of amnesia that targets only my accomplishments.
it can be hard for me to zoom out, especially when i feel like i’m in limbo, in between things. right now, i’m waiting to hear if i’ve gotten an opportunity that would define a lot of my next year. (at least i can finally say what it is; see: “making.”) if i get it, hooray. if i don’t, it will be okay — but i’ll feel a little bit like i’m back to the drawing board.
i was comforted when a notification popped up on my journal app with the entry from a year ago, which looked a whole lot like the entry i had just written. working, but not with a clear flow of money-for-labor; sleeping, but feeling guilty for not waking up earlier; eating, but wishing i were a better cook; taking meetings, but not knowing if they’ll lead anywhere; taking photos, but wondering if i’ll ever feel the same hunger to teach myself new photography skills that i felt the first time i picked up a camera.
maybe that would depress me on another day, but right now, it feels like a helpful reminder that my feelings, my career, my desires are cyclical, seasonal. when march rolls around, i usually know i have a show coming up in the summer and then… no idea what else. this season isn’t specially sinuous. it’s just how it goes.
reading.
fundamentally by nussaibah younis, about a brokenhearted academic who finds herself accidentally leading a deradicalization program for isis brides. believe it or not: it’s laugh-out-loud funny.
this brilliantly written piece by my incredible friend mia fowler, on blackness, traveling to ghana, and reading maryse condé’s segu.
this piece from hermione hoby about “the remarkable proliferation of contemporary divorce narratives.” this is essentially a very eloquent glass of haterade. (the part where she invokes pinochet was particularly shocking.) for what it’s worth, i think hoby is guilty of the same kind of solipsism of which she accuses these authors: namely, assuming her experience of divorce is universal and somehow more accurate than anyone else’s.
this piece on the brooklyn academy of music’s current position within the arts landscape. the below quote did make me laugh.
seeing.
deadclass, ohio, created by the goat exchange, with original text by eliya smith, directed by mitchell polonsky and chloe claudel, at the tank. long live the cemetery bear.
wine in the wilderness by alice childress, directed by lachanze. olivia washington is incandescent in this.
the pitt, the critically acclaimed medical drama that emergency room doctors are heralding for its realism. it’s like early grey’s anatamy crossed with 24. also, noah wylie is very good. and episode 8 broke me.
i’ll miss our little severance corner, but i’m praying we don’t have to wait three years for the next one. the season 2 finale, somehow, miraculously, managed to land the plane. for supplemental materials (obviously, filled with spoilers): this amazingly detailed behind-the-scenes video that dives into the editing process for the season finale and explains how the editors chose between various shots (and also taught me about the kuleshov effect), this interview with britt lower that confirms some crucial things about the episode, this video of jessica lee gagné talking about how she decided on one of the shots and lighting effects in "chikhai bardo,” and this video of adam scott breaking down ten of the show’s biggest moments.
did i pick the worst season to jump into f1 as a ferrari fan? help.
hearing.
i still don’t have tickets to see floyd collins but i know i need to get them because jeremy jordan sounds so good.
did you guys know there were two operas named nina with the exact same plot line (girl named nina goes insane) that both premiered in 1786? it’s like the 1786 opera version of the lippa vs. lachiusa wild party debacle. (translation from italian can be found here.)
making.
very happy to say that i was publicly announced this week as a finalist for the marcus opera directing fellowship at juilliard. (never heard of it? neither had i until a few weeks ago, and until this press release, that’s how they’ve liked it!) i honestly still can’t believe i made it this far in the process — the other directors announced as finalists are incredibly impressive, and i feel genuinely honored to be considered. opera magazine even featured us on instagram. pinch me.
did some collaging! i love cutting up magazines for collage materials. i’m especially fond of a vintage copy of woman’s day that i picked up at yesterday’s news. i made the below collage inspired by the after wife, one of the plays sophie and i have been developing on and off for a while. big stepford wife vibes.
met with the scenic designer for good apples collective’s next show. (official announcement is coming in about a month, which is a relief.)
more meetings with other indie theatermakers i admire. thinking a lot about how good apples could possibly partner with other organizations beyond (though not excluding) a traditional co-production.
also had a meeting with the administrative team overseeing sophie’s thesis. we’ll be putting up a reading of her play light as light at theatre row on may 17 and 18! i’ll share ticket info here when it becomes available.
went back to mindplay to take some behind-the-scenes photos that look like film (even if they’re actually digital). i’ll share some here once they’ve been released on the mindplay socials!
after that, i revisited some self-portraits from art farm. do they look like film now? or do they just look like i ran them through picsart? (remember picsart?)
after all that, i picked up a tiny little film point-and-shoot for $15 at my local secondhand store. up next: acquiring film and a 3v battery. stay tuned…
